Oh, Happy Day!

The last several days have been so unbelieveably amazing. I really think my winter depression is melting away more and more with each sunny day. It happens every year: winter seems to drag on forever, I feel like if I wake up to gloomy gray skies one more time I will go stark raving mad, my legs are albino white from not seeing the sun for 5 months....its just blahhhh.

When I woke up last week on the day of my first dress viewing it was sunny! There were birds chirping! The whole day was a huge blessing and success. I feel so confident and happy with my choices of the girls who will be standing next to me on my big day. Each one of them is such a blessing to me and brings such a new light and persepective to this whole planning process. It was so nice to be able to have some girl time...and they all loved my very (big!) dress!!!! For those of you who have been paying attention: I lost 5 pounds in two weeks, working my butt off. The dress slid right on like it was made for me (which it was hehe) and it looked SO good. Probably the best news I got all day was because of how well the dress fit, if I bought high enough shoes, I would not have to pay $250 for a hem!!! Granted, that means trucking through my wedding day in 4" heels, but from a girl who used to walk 10,000 steps a day in shoes that high as the manager extraordinare at  children's birthday facility....I think I'll survive. I do have to look for a petticoat to hold my skirt up nice and pretty...but the one my bridal shop offers is $60 and that's just not gonna fly! Craigslist!

Because my amazing best friends are so awesome, we also went on the search for the bridesmaid dresses! Ironically enough, after searching through racks and racks, the girls decided they loved the dress that was originally the one I wanted them to wear! Its a super cute dress that I think they will all be able to keep in their closets and wear again to dinner functions and such. Its a Mori Lee. Tea length. taffeta. bubble hem. strapless. SUPER flattering to all of them! They are wearing it in "Espresso" and my girls and I decided to try to find them some super cute 1940s-esque platform pumps in that ever elusive shade of pomegranate that I love so much.

We had a wonderful Easter...we went to spend it with Josh's family and it was so nice. I love how close knit that family is and how many of them there are. I always wished a had a big family with lots of cousins growing up and it makes me smile that my kids will have so many people to love and support them. :)

Charlie decided to lick a Coke can that was left sitting on the ground and sliced his tongue open. After bleeding all over me for five minutes, he took a drink of water and was fine...its always drama with this puppy! I cannot even imagine how it is with children!

However, as great as all of this was....I began a new job today!!!!!!!! It is just part time, counter assistant type work...but it feels SO amazing to be a functioning member of society again. I am happy to say, my feet are a little sore today after a seven hour shift! I missed work. I am a working girl....I LOVE to work. Most people might call me crazy for hating sitting at home doing nothing but basically being a "housewife" the last couple months, but that is just SO not me. Most people also think I'm crazy because I love working in customer service/retail. Its just my niche. Its what I'm good at...I'm a people person, and I have missed people!!!

I guess this is where 2010 starts goin my way *knock on wood* and I must say, my way feels pretty.dang.good.

A True DIY Bride

I apologize about the lack of (interesting) posts lately. The past 2 weeks or so have felt like an absolute blur. I keep thinking of new "must haves" for the wedding and worse than that, how I can do them myself. I *may* be in over my head a little with all my scheming and dreaming. The second bedroom at my mom's house has completely transformed into a DIY Disneyland.

I absolutely love doing things myself, I think I will enjoy my wedding so much more being able to see all my loved ones noticing and enjoying all the little details throughout the day. There are two things that get me through this process: Pandora Internet Radio (which lately has been on a Jason Derulo station...so not my usual type of music, but it's upbeat and he has an amazing voice) and my Charlie (who is now 4 months old and growing like a weed...my baby doggie is no more). He loyally sleeps under the DIY table on his blanky while I partake in the mind numbing task of making pocketfolds. I will eventually post photos and instructions to my invites, once I feel like I am making real progress and design the inserts and belly-band etc.

Today it is 6 months until the big day, and I really have to kick it into high gear. THIS month I need to find and book: a wedding cake baker, a DJ, a florist and an officiant. Most of those should be easy. But Josh and I are not church-goers. We believe in...and love God...but have yet to find a place we can call our own. That's the part that makes me nervous, finding someone to marry us. EEK!

Just for grins (or to give myself a lot more gray hair than I already have) here are allllllllllllllllllllll the DIY projects I have done or plan to complete:

*Save the Date Magnets
* Pocketfold invitations
* Invitation Inserts (which includes stamping and embossing)
* Ribbon Belly Bands
* Envelope liners for the invitations...something like this:

 (I may do the piece of scrapbook paper that was my inspiration for my wedding colors, or take it to the next level and use one of our engagement photos)

* Monogrammed Aisle Runner
* Guest Book  (completed today on Snapfish.com for $10!!!)
* Tissue Paper Pomanders to hang at the reception...like this, but in our colors (tiffany blue and pomegranate)

 (I want little pops of color around, and these are super cheap and easy!)

* Framed photos of loved ones for our memorial table
* Slideshow of Josh and I growing up
* Presents for my girls (keeping those on the DL for now)
* Custom ETCHING of the groomsman gifts (yes I really am crazy)
* Embossing Cocktail Napkins
* Designing and purchasing all the stuff for the candy buffet!

(Hopefully to look something like this:)

 

 SO.AMAZING.

* Programs
* Centerpieces
* Flower girl tutu :)

 

 (I am currently obsessed with this adorable idea)

* Making tulle/twinkle lights into some sort of arrangement for over the dance floor
* Escort/Place cards
* Monogrammed Favor Bags
* Table Numbers
* Thank You Parasol for a photo op
* Cake Table decorations
* Getting super amazing abs (YES this is a DIY project, lol...so far I've lost 4 pounds and SEVEN inches from various body parts within 2 weeks....I <3 it!)

Ummmm...that's really all I can think of right now, but heaven help me I have a feeling there's more. Phew. Deep breath...6 months. I've got time! I will post updates as soon as I get some stuff done. I better go to bed now so that I can actually sleep in anticipation of seeing THE dress tomorrow :)

Just Keep Swimming...

Well, i am not exactly swimming...but I am still sticking to my exercise routine...and I am happy to report as of today, I have lost an inch in my waist, half an inch on my biceps, half an inch on my hips and TWO inches off each of my thighs. After one week. For those of you out there that don't believe regular workouts will tone you up, I should be proof right there. I haven't stepped on the scale yet for fear of over analyzing the number in pounds. I am going to build up that courage today and I will get back to you. I still feel really great; the first couple of days just getting up to do the workout seemed so hard, but now I feel like I can just go-go-go all day.

This weekend when we moved (which I HATE doing), I actually pretty well kept up with Josh. I felt a lot stronger and more useful not having to only carry pillows or clothes. Now, the daunting task of unpacking is looming ahead. And if there is one thing I hate more than moving, its unpacking. I'm the type of person who likes everything to be in it's proper place...and if it isn't and a room is full of boxes and trash bags, I stress. I am stressed right now.

This week is going to be a busy one, and I am SO excited for all of it! Tomorrow, my sister and I get to go to the Michael Buble concert! Meg is a huge fan and she got the tickets for Christmas and decided to take me!! Wednesday, Josh and I get to go watch his brother Luke play baseball at Coors Field. For those who may not know, that is the major league baseball field out there in Denver, home of the Rockies. It is a huge honor for Luke's team to get to play on a real major league field, and actually Josh was able to play there when he was a senior in high school. I think its going to be very special. I am borrowing my brother's tripod and I am going to attempt some sports photography for Luke. Then...Friday, is my first dress viewing. As nervous as I was last week, I found my measurements from the day I bought my dress and I am smaller now. That alone is calming me down and actually has me looking forward to this day! I cannot wait to share it with my girls and my mom.

I wish I had more time to write, but for now...I have a mountain of clothes to go through and hang up. Sigh.

Spring in Colorado

I don't know if I really did not pay attention to it growing up, or if it is just more important to me now that I have a brand new car that I don't want to get "hurt"...but the weather in Colorado is absolutely.freaking.insane.

On Monday of this week, I was walking around the house in shorts and flip flops, taking Charlie for a long walk and sitting on my patio trying to get some color on my legs.

On Tuesday, I was doing some laundry when Charlie started barking. I turned down my blaring Pandora Radio (Brad Paisley station <3) and heard something VERY odd. It was hailing! And not just random little bits of hail...like a complete flood of hailstones. Two thoughts went through my head: 1. Oh, God not another tornado!!! and 2. My CAR!!!

This is what I saw when I looked out the window.

It looked like this within 10 minutes. (Honestly)

See! It really was hail!

I shook my head and went back inside, chalking this insanity up to living in Colorado in the spring. Josh got home an hour later saying these crazy things about a blizzard. I went out on the porch with him and he was right!

Random blizzard.

Excuse Josh's breath...it's not a ghostie. 

I can only imagine the reactions of people not from here. They probably thought the apocalypse was happening. Lets just keep our fingers (and toes) crossed that we are not subjected to Colorado's bi-polar tendencies on October 1st! And now, I am officially an old lady...talkin about the weather!

Progress

I am on the fourth day of my new exercise program. I feel AWESOME! I tend to always procrastinate working out because I convince myself that it's going to be terrible. In all honesty, its just the first day that is a butt-kicker, and the other days come much easier. Once I actually start working out, I always remember how good it feels.

What amazes me is the immediate change I am seeing and feeling. What Josh and I came up with to ease me back into exercising is a blend of several methods that I actually wanted to do. There is a program called P90x. Its also often called the "Beach body diet" and it is intense. I believe I could do it, maybe after I build my strength and endurace up. It also costs $120 that I don't have right now. So...thanks to the beatuy of Netflix, I can stream workout videos for free onto my T.V. The one that I found that looked challenging but not deadly and the one that Josh watched and approved is by Self Magazine. It's called Bikini Ready Fast. Despite the picture of beautiful Brooke Burke on the cover, it promised drastic results in as little as 4 weeks. I know they put those claims on the covers in order to sell the product, but hey...it works. I am not overweight and I am not drastically out of shape. I just happen to be a little jiggly in places I do not wish to be, so this video will give me great results, I can already tell. 4 days in.

The Bikini Ready Fast video is tought by Ellen Barrett, who apparently coaches celebrities in a type of fitness called "Ballet Pilates." Since the body I naturally have and dream of is more of a long, lean, dancer's body...this is perfect for me. Therefore, the video focuses on basic pilates/yoga moves enhanced with light dumbbells and lots of repetitions. The killer is that you do every exercise in a squat, lunge or plie...the first time I did it I was like, "oh my GOD! kill me now." But I suffered through it and though I was sore as hell the next day, I reveled in the soreness. Sore is good. Sore means something is happening. If it doesn't hurt, its not worth it! This video is awesome, it mainly focuses on making your arms and back slimmer while making your butt and thighs slimmer. There is some standing ab work, but I want killer abs...like I used to have, and for this, there was really only one option.

The P90x program has a specific workout called the Ab Ripper X and during the 90 days of the program, you essentially do this ab workout every other day. I decided there really was no better way to get abs fast. And fast is what I like...me and patience are not very good friends. I got it approved by my personal trainer (aka Josh) and began it yesterday. All I can say is O.M.G. oh yeah, and ow. It was amazing! I loved every second of that torture. Seriously, I have tried so many ab workouts, I even had one of those Ab Rollers once. This video is only like 20 minutes long, but it is insane. Throughout that 20 minutes you do over 350 ab targeting exercises. And you feel it burn. The whole time. I was very impressed with myself, I guess most people cannot get through the whole thing with all the reps the first couple times. I only had to stop for a stretch once and I hopped right back in. Oh and by the way, since I cannot afford this program, I found the Ab Ripper uploaded on youtube.

This morning I woke up sore....I need to remember not to get overly excited about working out and overdo it. It was the first day that it was really hard for me to get through my bikini ready workout. I was tired. But I fought through it and I am so happy. I took my body measurements on the first day that I began working out and hopefully I will begin to see a change soon. These photos are going to be my inspiration for my new body, yay:

Gorgeous Alessandra Ambrosio (of Victoria's Secret). I like how she is thin and fit but not all bones like Nicole Richie.

And right now, I am completely obsessing over Jen Aniston's legs. Well, she's kinda the whole package but I'll just shoot for the legs for now :)

Exercise

Up until recently, I was one of those people who was blessed with skinny parents and naturally fast metabolism. All my friends in high school were super jealous because I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain an ounce. Despite that, weight is something I struggled with my entire life. Although never diagnosed, it was very obvious to myself and my family and friends that I had an "eating disorder" of some sort.
When I was in elementary school, I was abnormally thin. I grew like a weed vertically and went through those awkward years even thinner than most normal kids my age. My legs looked like they came straight out of my neck and they were scrawny...my knees we knobby, my ribs protruded and I basically looked like an awkward noodle. Kids are always really mean, and brutally honest. When we had to run in gym class, I got made fun of so much...because in addition to being super scrawny, my feet were super flat so I kind of kicked them out to the side and pumped my arms way too much. (Think Phoebe in the park, Friends lovers). Pathetic truly. Anyway, because of that, I have always avoided running at all costs. The sport I chose to do in my adolescence was gymnastics. Not a whole lot of running there.

I was in gymnastics up through middle school. I was just starting to look less like a starving orphan and more like a normal pre-teen girl when the girls on my competitive gymnastics team decided it would be a good idea to give me a complex for the rest of my life. I was on a team with girls that were 16 years old, so of course their bodies were a lot different than mine at the time. I was probably 11. At that young age, I was hearing all about these cool things you could do to stay thin forever. I never would have guessed that you could eat whatever you wanted if you just threw it up afterwards and you would never get fat. Or, if you were stronger, you could just not eat at all, or eat barely anything and just drink water. These girls were doing it...and I was berated for not admitting that that's what I was doing since I was so thin. Looking back now, it was so traumatizing to be so young and already learning how to nitpick all the flaws in my body.

Eventually, I think my mom caught wind of me beginning to have this complex and suddenly, I no longer did gymnastics. I didn't miss it. I remember for awhile there I had practice 3 times a week and those practices were like 2 hours long each. Of constant running, flipping, running routines over and over. I would literally walk through the door at home after these practices and fall on the floor. Let's just say my loathing for working out was not assisted by this time in my life.

Once I was in 8th grade, I had let a little compulsion turn into a big one. I didn't realize I was doing anything weird, per se...but other people did. For instance, when all my friends were chowing down on pizza and french fries in the lunch room, I bought a pack of Starbursts and a water. I would make those Starbursts last all day until dinner. I did not eat breakfast because of an entirely different issue I was dealing with then...ovarian cysts which caused me to have almost morning sickness like symptoms. I missed a lot of school. Looking back on pictures of myself in 7th, 8th and 9th grade, I looked SICK. Just horrible. Big black circles under my eyes, sunken cheeks and just blah. I had a scale in my bathroom, and I stepped on that thing probably 6 times a day. At least every time I went to the restroom. This is one of those things I didn't realize at the time, but when I was in 8th grade, my favorite teacher, Ms. Johanson pulled me aside one day and asked me to join a support group for other girls. She explained that it was just a "safe" place to talk about our self esteem and encourage each other. I said okay and when I showed up, there were 5 or 6 other girls who I didn't know and they started talking about throwing up in the bathroom at lunch! Here I was again, with a group of people who seemed to think I had this problem. It angered me at the time, but thinking back on my behavior and looking back on those photos of myself, its obvious that there was something wrong.

I can also clearly remember my mom saying to me, on multiple occasions: "Christy I swear, if I hear you say you're fat one more time...I am taking you to counseling!" I would roll my eyes in that sweet, hormone filled way and say something really intelligent like, 'whatever.' This type of behavior continued through high school, where if I began to see a pinch of anything that could be contrived as "jiggly" I would not eat a substantial meal for days. Ironically, I lived off of crap. Doritos, twix bars, grape soda...but that was pretty much it. I was a lacrosse manager in high school, so basically I missed a lot of sit down family dinners just by being at games pretty late at night. I always felt sick because I was not eating so of course I would not want to eat anything. It was a vicious cycle. Being a busy kid sort of distracted me yet again from my issues.

Pretty much never in my LIFE have I been anything other than super thin. But I was convinced that I was fat. I had no clue what other people saw when they looked at me...when I looked in the mirror, I saw huge. I saw jiggle. I saw love handles. I have issues. I would like to say that I have overcome this little complex of mine, but it will always be there. I remember my senior year, I got really excited because I FINALLY had some curves. That's because I had a lot of great people surrounding me who would literally force me to eat. once I started eating, I realized that food was amazing....that I could actually enjoy eating instead of visualizing where on my body those tator tots would land. I started looking a little healthier.

When Josh and I started dating, I told him all about my struggles with body image and he encouraged me by telling me I was beautiful. However, its not like I ever got rid of these issues and old habits die hard. Despite the new curves, I could not get used to my new body. It just was not what I was used to. I was used to being able to look down and count my ribs, wrap my hands around my thigh and have my fingers overlap....I was used to looking terrible and emaciated...and the horrible part was I thought I looked SO good. Josh was very patient and loving with me...always encouraging me to eat healthy. Shockingly enough, I started feeling so much better once I began eating consistently. Before, when I would skip breakfast and lunch, by dinner...my stomach was practically eating itself. That made me feel sick to my stomach, so I would not want to eat dinner either. I found that if I just ate I felt better. Josh had me looking really great for probably the first time in my life. When we broke up that one really long, really messy time...I fell right back into those bad habits. I was so depressed and sad that I had lost him. When Josh showed up at my work that day when we got back together for the final time, I was the skinniest I had ever been. I weighed about 102 pounds. I am 5'6. That's WAY too skinny...even for someone obsessed with that kind of thing. Part of why we got back together was because of what he said to me the second he saw me. He said, "Christy...you havent been eating again, honey. Are you okay???" He was genuinely concerned and always was.

Since we got back together, I have started feeling more comfortable in my body. Josh was so encouraging and honest and sweet, telling me I was perfect. I got comfortable eating around him...something I always avoided around anyone else. I put on weight. And everyone in my life was so glad. Literally everyone who had known me a substantial amount of time was telling me how amazing I looked. My weight was resting right at about 118 pounds, which is still pretty thin for my height...but it was progress. Since I quit my job in December, I had noticed that this more sedintary lifestyle had impacted my body. I was not eating any more or less than normal, but I have definitely been less active....for the simple fact that I had nowhere to go during the day.

I almost had a heart attack when I went to my yearly exam the other day. I don't think I am gonna tell you my actual weight in numbers, because I want to cry just thinking about it...much less seeing it in print. Let's just suffice it to say its the most I've ever weighed in my life. Just doing internet research tells me that I am at a healthy weight range for my height...that's also a first in my life. And my BMI is a 22.6. Supposedly a healthy BMI range is between 18.5 and 24.9 so clearly, I am in a VERY good spot. But I am having a little meltdown/panic attack. I do not know how to react to these numbers, much less the figure I see in the mirror. They are all so different from what I'm used to...

I have my first dress fitting in about 2 weeks. When I got measured, she told me my measurements indicated that I would need a size 4. My dress was custom made to fit my measurements. I am terrified that they are going to try to slip on my gorgeous dress and it will not fit! Basically, if there's any hope of me not turning into a complete basket case, I NEED to fit in that dress. So...hate it or not, I am starting an exercise program. It has been a long time since I really and truly exercised...I have always been pretty active and that was always enough. But...I am pledging to myself not to revert back to my old food issues. I am promising myself to continue to eat normally and healthy, but just to work out. I am on day 2 of my new workout regime, that Josh and I custom made for what I want my body to look like (a mix of cardio elements like Plyogenics and pilates movements with low weight and high reps). I am hoping for that willowy (healthy!) dancers body. I am sore...but I have energy and renewed faith in myself and a new view on my body.

I am being positive for now...but for the love of all that is holy, that dress BETTER fit. Whew. Sorry. That was a lot of background info/baggage for one post. Just keep me in your thoughts if you have room to spare.

This is me at my super skinniest. When I posted this photo on facebook, several friends I had not seen in awhile called to see "if I was okay". I guess I look a little scrawny here.

  

And here is a photo of me now. Just GROSS. All I can see in this photo is the size of my arms and my thighs! Josh loves the curves, but it is just NOT me. Even my face looks different. :(

Future Plannin

According to The Knot, as of today, there are 200 days until our wedding. For some reason, that number seems more final than 7 months...maybe because now it can be a countdown. Tomorrow, there will 199 days left until our wedding. I probably should not do that unless I want to give myself a panic attack.

The biggest thing that is going on with Josh and I lately is that we're coming up on the end of our lease here at the apartment. When January rolled around, we had to start thinking about whether we wanted to stay here and if not, what we would do instead. I think the entire month of January was spend alternating between us freaking out that I did not have a job and wondering when things were going to turn around so that I could get one. It seems like lately in Colorado, jobs have been harder and harder to come by. We both have several friends that just graduated from college with degrees in things like Mechanical Engineering and cannot even find a job at Home Depot. Not exactly promising.

One of my biggest pet peeves is sitting around thinking about renting. I mean, when you think about it, there is NO bigger waste of money in this world. You pour money into something and at the end, you have absolutely nothing to show for it. Okay, so maybe it establishes a little bit of good credit but not really. Josh agrees with me. For the past 14 months, we have been paying almost $800 a month for a one bedroom apartment. Yes, we know that that sounds absolutely insane...but really, its not all that unusual. Josh and I used to live in a 2 bedroom apartment with a buddy of Josh's and that one was $600 a month. Lets just say that extra $200 a month bought us some security. At that other apartment, my car got broken into 3 times. One of those times, they tried to rip out my stereo...I say tried because they used a crowbar...and left it in my car. My stereo was wrenched halfway out and my dashboard was cracked the entire way up. Another time at the cheap apartment, I got home from work at around 9:45pm...I was walking up the dark walkway to get to the stairs leading to our apartment. This whole place was super dark and scary at night. Right when I got to the stairs, a very large man who was obviously on a very large amount of crack or God knows what else CHASED ME UP THE STAIRS. He was talking animatedly to himself and hitting himself in the face and I am not joking when I say that he chased me, at a dead sprint, up 3 flights of stairs. Thank GOD I had my key ready. When I got inside, he paced out on the landing in front of our door for a solid 15 minutes. We called the police, but never saw them. I guess let's just say $800 a month is not so bad when I don't have to worry about getting home late at night or leaving my car in the parking lot.

Anyway, we have a wedding to pay for. Currently, I do not have a job. The ambition that Josh and I have is to have a house to move into after we're married. A house that we are paying a mortgage on, not renting. Very ambitious I know. We threw around every possibility and finally came to a conclusion. At the end of this month, we are moving in with my mom. I know most people think of this as some sort of cruel punishment, but those people obviously don't have a mama like mine. My mom lives in my childhood home, 4 bedrooms...and no one there but her. My mom is my best friend in the world. She was the biggest supporter of Josh and I in general and especially when he wanted to ask me to marry him. Something not a lot of people know is that my amazing, beautiful, caring mother went with Josh to look at engagement rings; she knew which one I wanted and she gave up her ring from her marriage to my dad so that it would be easier for Josh to pay for my dream ring. She told him she was giving up something from a broken relationship so that we could build a strong one. My ring would be precious to me no matter what, but every time I look at it, I am reminded of her selfless act of support for me and the man that I love.. We know it will be a change, but it will be a good thing. We are looking at it as a HUGE blessing. We get to save money not only for the wedding, but for a house. Our Charlie gets to have a puppy friend that we can leave him with during the day. Since he's still so little, it made it almost impossible for me to get a job before we move in with mom. Josh and I will have more outside interaction with other people, specifically family, and that is always a good thing. My mom will be close at hand to help with wedding projects. My mom will not have to be in that big house all alone at night anymore. Basically, the benefits are endless.

The only downside is that, despite the ridiculous pricetag, this little apartment has become a home to Josh and myself. Our own little world where we had our own little rituals, recipes and family memories. A part of me will be sad to leave it. I just have to remember that once we are happily married, we will have a REAL house to move into and grow into. I could not be happier that we have such supportive families and friends that are willing to do anything to make our life together easier. I am excited to have more time to spend with my mama before Josh and I really become man and wife.